he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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