i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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