call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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