He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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