yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
