I'm going to jail i love you
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
