just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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