theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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