i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
