i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
