thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
