Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
