My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
