In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
