Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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