I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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