Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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