god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
