if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
