I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
