We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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