I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
