first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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