I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
