Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to align my fucking chakras
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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