If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
