she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
