We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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