11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this boner is exhausting
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Girls should come with a carfax report
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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