ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
