Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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