I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
