I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
