YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize