I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
