this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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