So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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