I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
this is an emotional support booty call
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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