the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize