finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
