Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
