I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
