so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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