I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
