i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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