Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
