I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
