Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Two words: nipple clamps
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