you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
