Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
