Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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