We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
