I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i think i have two assholes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize