I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the raccoons are back...
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