Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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