I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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