the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
