Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
