I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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