I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
