i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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