PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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