The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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