Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
