i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
