I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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