I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
