Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
