I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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