What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
