Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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