The maid of honor just puked.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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