I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
