Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
