break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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