and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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