Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
