Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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