separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
