i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
