you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize