DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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