Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
