i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
