Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
