life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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