don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
