Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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