i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
