U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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