PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Shame - the story of my life.
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