Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize