No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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