i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
