it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
