I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
