Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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