Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
