if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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