Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
