I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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