Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
