Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
